A NOTE ON ACCEPTANCE
I believe that a lot of our personal problems come from people not being able to accept what happens to them. It holds us back from moving on, changing, growing. When we fail to accept how the world treats us, it holds us back from being able to make the necessary changes to create a better world.
Let’s begin with an example:
You’re in the grocery store and someone is rude to you. Maybe it’s the cashier, and they treat you like you’re stupid.
Our natural response is anger. Sometimes we say nothing and then stew about the experience all day.
We even talk about it with our friends. “I just don’t understand why they had to be so rude? Why work in customer service if you can’t be nice to people?!”
Perhaps, even, you lay in bed that night, unable to sleep, thinking about the things you should have said… "I should have told them what an asshole they were, right to their face… I should have told their manager and gotten them fired…”
WHY IN THE FUCK DO WE HOLD ONTO THESE THINGS FOR SO LONG??
Maybe that person was ill. Maybe you reminded them of their ex-husband or wife. Maybe they had to poop. Maybe their boss treats them that way and they take it out on others. Maybe they are, actually, a miserable asshole. WHO CARES?
Go live your life and treat people with kindness. You are not allowed to expect the same from others. People will not always be kind to you in return. Manage your expectations. Accept the fact that that person was an asshole, and move on.
This is much harder to do when the person who has wronged you is close to you - friends, family, lovers.
It is especially hard to accept the rejection of a lover. But you know there are people in the world who may have loved you, and maybe they have felt your rejection. Maybe you were even very kind, up front, and mature about it. Good job! We all know, sometimes two people just don’t click. Especially once the newness and excitement wears off. Sometimes, we simply get to know the person, and the more we know, the less we like them. That’s just life.
That happens to you, too.
Not everyone is going to love you.
Not everyone is even going to like you.
And that’s ok.
If you can manage your expectations and learn to read normal societal and social cues, things will get better. For example, you call that person you went on a date with and they don’t call you back. You follow up with a text and get no response. PLEASE DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF AND SAY “Maybe they’re just busy, I’ll call again later”.
Leave them alone. If someone wants you in their life, you’ll know it. They’ll tell you. They’ll call you. They’ll text you and want to see you.
You must respect yourself enough to walk away when someone isn’t making you feel important.
I promise, as much as this seems like a harsh lesson, the more you exercise this power, the power of letting go, the happier you will be.
I see this over and over again, specifically with romance, love, lust, hookups, relationships, etc.
We tell ourselves these little lies all the time to cushion the blow of emotional pain.
Tell me if you’ve heard any of these:
“I know they love me, they just don’t know how to show it”
“They’re just busy”
“They just really love their friends”
“They’re really not that way when we’re alone”
“They just aren’t really into the whole commitment thing”
“They’re not ready for anything serious right now”
“They’re gonna leave their significant other for me any day now”
“They aren’t ready for marriage just yet, but soon”
WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES? We think maybe we can make it work somehow, eventually.
Isn’t it better to just accept the fact that this person is not on the same page as us and walk away with some dignity? Cut your losses, and walk away with the respect for yourself that you deserve from others.
We all know what we want, and what we deserve, and I can tell you from experience, that when you look at yourself in the mirror and say “That person does not love me, and that is ok”, then you walk away, it feels so much better than hoping for the best and never getting exactly what you want.
I need to take just a moment to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the hurt you have experienced. I’m sorry people haven’t always accepted you for who you are. I’m also sorry that the people you have loved have not always loved you back. These things are not at all a reflection of you, nor did you deserve it. This is just normal, messy life. You deserve better.
This is a harsh lesson because all of this hurt can be avoided. Other people are not responsible for the pain you inflict upon yourself by believing the bad things they say to you. You, and only you, are responsible for the way you feel, and the things you tell yourself.
I’m telling you this because when you learn to accept the things around you, it allows you the ability to truly love yourself.
And you know what? I honestly believe that once you truly love yourself, you aren’t afraid to ask for what you want. You aren’t afraid to walk away from someone who isn’t able to give it to you. You gain the power to summon someone who can love you the way you love yourself. It’s almost like it’s contagious.
And it all starts with acceptance.
Accept your imperfect face.
Accept that you hate exercise (maybe you don’t, great!)
Accept the fact that you must exercise anyway
Accept that things aren’t always going to be good/perfect/happy
Accept that it takes hard work to get ANYTHING you want in life
Accept that failure is inevitable but also accept that failure is not the end, just another hurdle
Accept that people will not always give you what you want or need
Accept that you will also let down others
Accept your humanity and strive to learn from your necessary mistakes
Accept that politicians will not always represent you and accept that you have to pay your taxes anyway
I have watched so many people suffer because they were unable, or unwilling to accept a circumstance that they weren’t able to change. Some suffered a few days, others I’ve seen suffer their entire lives. This is unhealthy and avoidable.
A NOTE: Please do not accept sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, racism, sexism, discrimination, being disrespected by your friends/family/partner, etc. You DO deserve a certain amount of respect and civility as a human on this planet regardless of your race/sex/orientation/gender identity/age/etc. You deserve decency. If anyone is harming you or treating you badly, please reach out to me and I will do my best to help you.